Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The events of my 6-6-06

Here's a quick breakdown of how I spent my 6-6-06:
12:00 midnight: camping on state land with some old friends. while we didn't quite adhere to all the slasher flick cliches (no booze, drugs, or sex) we did have the classic 3 dudes/2 chicks ratio and brought an axe to chop firewood with, but luckily for us the only blood drawn was from mosquitos. went to sleep uneasily with visions of dying at the hands of serial killers. Left the axe stuck ominously in the tree. I have seen far too many movies.
3 a.m. Awoken by a text message that read "Let him who have understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number, six hundred and sixty six". as if I needed a reminder. Spend the next 5 hours tossing and turning because it's too hot under my sleeping bag and the coyotes keep howling and I can hear other things crashing through the woods.
11 a.m. Back in Detroit. Had my fill of sleeping without a roof over my head for a year. It's not natural to not have concrete under my feet. I sleep easier to the sound of gunfire and squealing tires. Win $27.50 in a single slot machine pull as I walk through the casino to get my parking garage ticket validated, so not only do I park for free, but make a tidy profit as well. Suckers.
6 p.m. Finally awake and really hungry. Go to the bar for "one quick beer" to strategize the rest of the evening. Want to play Slayer on the jukebox but there isn't any. Instead of going to get a nice healthy veggie burrito, the freezer at the bar breaks and there is a free feast of onion rings, fries, and chicken wings which I eat because I have been the world's worst vegetarian lately. 3 beers later I get a call saying I'm on the guest list for the Whirlwind Heat show so I make my way over there feeling like I may vomit from the grease.
9 p.m. Watching Whirlwind Heat. It looks like my friends and I are the oldest ones there, except for the one mom that is also in attendance. Their set was hot, but needed to be played in a smaller room. There probably weren't more than 80 people there in a room which holds around 450. Their spastic energy was somewhat diminished by all the empty space, but that didn't stop them from kicking out their fuzzy 33-rpm-porno-funk-cranked-up-to-45 jams to an appreciative audience. I guess it's hard to really get too crazy with someone's mom around. Still trying to figure out which side of the fine line that separates stupid from clever that the song about selling sperm is on.
10:15 Left the Stick before Be Your Own Pet played and made my way to the Lager House for Wolfbait. While waiting at the bar for their set to start, get a text message about how terrible Be Your Own Pet is from the door guy of the Stick. I figured as much, and there was no way I was going to miss Wolfbait on 6-6-06. I would pretty much be a fucking fraud. In a world where metal is in danger of taking itself way too seriously, all these brooding pasty boys with black hair and lip piercings screaming in bands with sentence fragment names (As I Lay Dying With My Bride In November or whatever), Wolfbait celebrates the glory days of metal with tongue in cheek reverence. When's the last time you saw a guy wearing Blind Guardian t-shirt and a black hooded cloak onstage while he cranked out Maiden and Priest worthy licks on his guitar? I didn't think so. He can even wax philosophical with the best metal frontmen with words of wisdom like "Midnight only lasts for a minute". You couldn't even see the fucking drummer because his kit was too big, and hell yes he has a double bass drum. They also have a song called "Eat Pussy Til We Puke" which is just as good of a name of any Anal Cunt song, but about a thousand times easier to listen to. I really wanted to stick around to see the new band featuring members of Rocket 455 (the greatest Detroit band you've never heard of who for all practical purposes should've been big rock stars) but I was just too worn out at that point. Wolfbait rocked my ass off.
11:45 p.m. Urinated on the tree in my backyard before wearily making my way to my bed for a proper night's sleep, free from the howling of coyotes and other things crashing through the woods.

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